"Covenanting Together"

An agreement between two parties, where both say they will do something or refrain from doing something is, today, usually, thought of as a contract -  or, if between countries, a treaty. 

 In earlier times, when religion was the center of a person's life, like T.V. and text messaging are today, another word, “covenant”, was frequently heard.  The word “covenant” is usually heard today only when one is referring to an agreement where one of the participants is God.   UUs, thus, seldom use the word at all.

 The bible relates that God covenanted with Adam and Eve, with Noah, and with Moses.  Later he would also covenant with other Jews, Christians and Muslims.  The term has been used when a prophet or a group of people agree to obey God's laws and God, in turn, agrees to be "their" God – their protector and the one to whom they could approach in prayer, like a father, strict but benevolent.  Prayer is a request that God remember his side of the covenant.

 When one enters into a covenant, whether with God or another person, there is often an understanding that some sacrifice is implied  -  a sacrifice like the sacrifice of the first fruits of the harvest or, perhaps, the sacrifice of one’s unfettered freedoms.  A covenant, unlike a contract, however, is not a legal obligation.  The two sides have no legal requirements, only an acceptance of moral commitment.  The difference between a contract and a covenant as one of obligation for the contract versus commitment for the covenant. 

 One place where our society still understands the meaning of covenant is our understanding of marriage.  The vows of marriage require a legal obligation, so the state steps in to sanction the marriage. But, more importantly, a marriage is a commitment - a covenant.   Perhaps, for this reason, marriage should be taken out of the hands of the government which treats it as only a legal obligation, and return it to the religious community where it is understood to be a religious rite. Religion understands the distinction between contracts and covenants.   The government has the power and authority to enforce legal contracts.   It is able to legally decide who shall be eligible to enter into contracts.   But, in being the sole arbiter of who can commit oneself to whom, it is out of its league.  It is religion’s, not the government’s, prerogative, in my opinion, to affirm the marriage of, that is to say the covenant between, those who wish to honestly and deeply commit themselves to another. 

This is why UU ministers, for at least the last thirty years, have been enthusiastically celebrating gay and lesbian weddings.  Commitment, covenanting, has nothing to do with ones gender.

 One does not support and encourage and champion another, one does not care for and comfort one another, out of obligation, but out of love and commitment.  One does not stick by one’s marriage partner, even in the face of moral lapses and wrongs, out of obligation, but, rather, out of love and commitment - covenant.  When the commitment is discovered to have become only obligation, when love has become less than like, the legal severing of the relationship, that is, divorce, though regretted and, perhaps, made demanding, should not be prevented by the state or religion.  There are, of course, some instances when even after the legal obligations have been severed by divorce, the moral commitment of covenant has remained, such as when divorced parents continue to maintain amiable joint custody of children and continue to have concern for one another’s well being.  Another place where the word “covenant” may still have some usefulness is the process of becoming a member of a religious congregation. 

 For Unitarian Universalists, not unlike other religions, the covenanting process is often slower and more gradual than one may be aware.  It may begin when someone first walks into a UU church.  A person who hears about a church, whether he or she has been a UU in the past or not, enters on a Sunday or attends an evening Adult Education class with a tentative feeling and may simply be interested in checking it out.  This person may be curious about what the congregation does, what kind of people attend and what ideas and opinions the members have.  This person, usually, is not prepared to make any kind of commitment or covenant. This is but the first stage on the road to covenanting with a church.  It might be called "window shopping ".  Some of the questions that the “window shopper” might ask are “Do I like these people?" and "Are these people doing something that I want to do?"   A smile, a friendly chat, and/or an interesting event might encourage the window shopper to consider coming back.  Yet, like any window shopper, what the congregation displays may not be what the window shopper is seeking.  If the window shopper is looking for an Evangelical Church or a Quaker Meeting or a Political Caucus he or she may not return no matter how friendly we are.  

 On the other hand, a cool greeting or a sense that the members of the church are much more affluent or much less affluent, not very intellectual or too intellectual, etc. may turn off a window shopper. Even if everything else seems agreeable, a major turn-off for the window shopper can be visible dissention among the members. 

It is like when a real estate agent shows a house where the kitchen sink is filled with dirty dishes.  Most people have better things to do with their time than to covenant with a group that is fighting and disdainful of one another.  (You may have noticed that the first thing that Interim Ministers are expected to work on with the congregation is the healing of old wounds.)

 There is no such thing as a church that will satisfy everyone.  Yet, if this church, for instance, is what they are seeking, it is important that we let them know who we are.  It is for this reason that we need to put our best foot forward every Sunday.  Newcomers don’t just show up at holiday times or when we put the welcome mat out.  In fact, one of the largest crops of visitor this year was when the snow and ice kept most of our members at home.  Their churches were closed and we were open. 

 There are many different things that a church can offer but all a church can honestly do is present itself at its best.  And, therefore, every Sunday must be a UU Sunday.  Even if we have a speaker from another religion or from a social justice organization or in some other way not specifically representative of Unitarian Universalism, the Worship Service itself needs to be uncompromisingly UU.  If the first impression is positive and the person chooses to return he or she might now be like a "theater goer".  The theater goer is interested in returning but only in the sense of passively viewing what is going on in the congregation without making any commitment.  A small contribution at the offertory, a purchase of sermons or pamphlets or, even, a contribution of a small item to the yard sale may be made as the price of admission.  This is a very fragile stage.  At this stage a person may gradually become interested in becoming more involved or, on the other hand, may discover that the full season series is not to their liking.  Sensitivity to the person needs and listening to his or her questions and fears is, perhaps, more important here than anywhere else.  Someone at this stage needs to be introduced to the minister and/or DRE and/or leaders of the church.  At this point, they may like what they see but still not know if they wish to become more involved. Many people remain at this stage and will continue to attend the church every once in a while, perhaps for years.   It is a frequent occurrence that one spouse may remain a “theater goer” indefinitely even while the other becomes more and more involved in the church.  Some people jump into becoming members and make a pledge at this stage.  While there is no reason prevent it or to believe that such a move is inappropriate, for some, the tenure may be short lived.

 The next stage occurs when the newcomer finds that he or she really likes what is going on and decides that he or she really is ready to enter into a covenantal relationship with the community.  By the time they formally join some have already felt that, to paraphrase Jimmy Carter, they had already “covenanted in their heart”.  These new members may now become enthusiastic "cheer leaders". Cheerleaders go to all of the church activities, coffeehouses, adult education classes and pot-lucks as well as attend Sunday services regularly. They may not yet feel that they are fully on the team but they enjoy participating, playing their part.  And they with to contribute to the team effort.    Too often we welcome them too fervently and ask them to become committee chairs at this stage.  Bad idea. 

 We must be careful!  It is at this stage that newcomers can take on too much and quickly burn out. On the other hand, they may be the ones who are most effective at bringing in other new people.  A membership growth committee is best staffed by people at this stage.  Unlike many older members, cheerleaders do not yet have all of their friends in the church.  They still have an, often extensive, friendship and family network outside the church.  And many of these friends and relatives may want the same thing that they found in a religious community.  They are, often, the best recruiters for a “Bring a Friend” Sunday.  In addition, when the newcomer begins to become fully involved, the church community must make sure that the covenant is two-sided.  We must make sure that the cheerleader is fully recognized and honored.  We must inquire of him or her whether we are meeting their needs.  Are we offering something that he or she is unable get elsewhere such as participation in a discussion group with like minded people or a book club or writers group or joining the choir or participating in social justice project.  There are many ways that people can benefit from a church but it is up us to make sure that the individual does not feel that he or she is just giving and not getting.  A covenant requires both.

 True membership in the congregation and a feeling that you are more than just a consumer of services, after a period of time, months or years, can occur.   A deeper involvement may be wished. Some people are now ready to make a commitment to the people, principles and life of the congregation. Something more than a token financial contribution may now be pledged and there is willingness to participate fully.  This person might now be likened to a ball player on a team.  Like a third baseman he or she may become the one who can be counted on to do his or her tasks day in and day out in a competent and effective manner.  Some ball players are stars who hit home runs but others might be lead off batters who hit safely more often than not. The ball player can be counted on to chair a committee and not let the team down.  When a task needs to be done, they just pitch in and do it. It is important to freely choose to be part of a church in order to feel that we are part of a covenanting congregation.  Yet when that does happen, when we truly join the team we know it and everyone else does too.  We become the backbone of the church and it just won't run without us.  The covenanting community exists through and for the sake of the members of the covenanting community. As a covenanted group of people, the members of the church have an obligation to be a supportive community when any of the individuals is in need, either physically or emotionally. The covenanting church, also, has an obligation to try to meet the spiritual, questing needs of its members.  

 One of the unique aspects, of covenanting is that it is not simply a contractual relationship between two parties.  It is, rather, the paradoxical phenomenon that the more one contributes the greater the rewards. Like the Chinese finger game where the harder one pulls the stucker one becomes, in a church the more that one contributes in time, energy and money the more one receives.  It is for this reason that a person's pledge usually increases the longer he or she is a member.  Initially one may figure out what to pledge by adding up the cost of entertainment, meals and classes that one has attended.  While they may wish to contribute their fair share, a fare share is often understood to mean the price of a ticket.   Only later may it become apparent that the church is depending on each person for its very survival.  In the end, a person may discover that he or she wishes to return to others the benefits that have been obtained from the church.  A pledge such as this may be way out of proportion to one's fair share.

 There are many people who contribute tens of thousands of dollars a year to UU churches.  They are certainly contributing more that their fair share.  Why would someone do that? For some it probably has to do with the fact that the church was there for them at a time when they needed it.  Perhaps they found here a family that they never knew they had. It may have been because here they finally felt that they "fit in" - they no longer felt like a religious black sheep (or frog!) of society.  Or it may simply be that they wish to contribute to something bigger than they are. One of the important powerful aspects of any religion is the grandness, the expansiveness, the cosmic quality that a religion contains.

 For, religion, as Alfred North Whitehead wrote: 

 is the vision of something which stands beyond, behind, and within the passing flux of immediate things;

something which is real, and yet waiting to be realized;

something which is a remote possibility, and yet the greatest of present facts;

something that gives meaning to all that passes, and yet eludes apprehension;

something whose possession is the final good, and yet beyond all reach;

something which is the ultimate ideal, and the hopeless quest.

 The value of a church covenant is that it is between the congregation and each of us and yet, it is each individual who by his or her actions contribute to the ability of this community to meet his or her needs.

 UU minister, Rev. Robert T. Latham, wrote:

 As an individual human, while I am alive, it is my physical being that copes with the demands of environmental change and serves as the carrier of my values. However, institutions, as groups of people, have a fittest capacity that far exceeds that of the single individual. The lesson is that if I, as an individual, wish the values I cherish to survive my body’s demise, then I must invest my resources in an institution that by virtue of its fittest capacities, can guarantee their continuing perpetuation.

 Another lesson is that all of the resources I expend seeking to initiate and sustain social change will come to naught unless those resources are supportive of institutional carriers whose values are reflective of the change I seek. Further, any institution worthy of my resources will be committed to those wisdoms and dynamics that create the kind of power that impacts the social order.

 If the Covenant is not as strong as we would like, if the congregation is not meeting our needs, it is only we ourselves who can change that situation.

 A religious community, ultimately, is not the building, not the minister, not even the values upon which it is built, noble as they may be, but the individuals that make up the community.  Those individuals, in covenant with one another, create something larger and grander and more significant than any alone could hope to be alone.