Church Growth

Wedding Ceremony

Shari H_____ & Robert R________

June 25, 2005 - 5:30 PM

Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here to unite this man and this woman in marriage.

It is a great joy for me to be standing here with you on this beautiful day, sharing in this marriage ceremony, and witnessing the life-long commitment Shari and Robert are making to one another this day.

From time immemorial, weddings such as this one have been public occasions where family and friends gather to express the joy and approval for which they feel for the new union. Let me therefore first ask Shari ’s and Robert’s parents this:

Do you, Alexis and Steven, and Lora and Lee, who have nurtured and raised these two give your blessing now to Shari and Robert, as they enter into this new relationship, and do you aspire to give them your deepest love, understanding and support during both good times and bad in the days and years that lie ahead?

[ I DO - I DO - I DO - I DO ]

As a symbol of the love of these two families, who gives this woman to be married to this man?

[ Her mother and I do ]

Marriage is an institution that the state may regulate and the church may sanction; but which can only become real in the lives of two people. This celebration is but the outward sign of an inward union of hearts and as such, marriage is the most tender and yet the most difficult of all relations in life.

Shari and Robert, in presenting yourselves here today, you are performing an act of faith in each other -- a faith which should grow and mature and endure. If you would have your love set on such faith, not just at this moment, but in all the days ahead, then ever cherish the hopes and dreams you now hold.

Resolve that love not be blotted out by the commonplace nor blurred by the mundane in life. Faults will appear where now there is satisfaction; talents will fade in bleaching experience; wonder will flatten in the rituals of daily living--but devotion, joy, and love can remain, as you build them together. Stand fast in hope and confidence, believing in yourselves and believing in each other.

In this spirit you can create a marriage which will radiate to one another and give new hope and strength to all who watch your quest with interest.

I must remind you that the vows you are about to say to one another belong ENTIRELY TO YOU. The words I speak have no magical powers, and nothing that I can say or do on this day can ultimately make your marriage endure with beauty, fidelity, and joy. Only you — by the integrity and diligence of your love — can make these vows last. It is not to lofty words — or institutions even — that we appeal at this hour of commitment, but rather to the resources which you two can draw upon from deep within yourselves ... the deep well of human need, the need to love united and loving and complete before a broken and imperfect world.

I echo William Shakespeare when he wrote:

Let me not to the marriage of true minds

Admit impediments. Love is not love

Which alters when it alteration finds,

Or bends with the remover to remove:

O, no! it is an ever-fixed mark,

That looks on tempests and is never shaken;

It is the star to every wandering bark,

Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.

Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks

Within his bending sickle's compass come;

Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,

But bears out even to the edge of doom.

If this be error and upon me proved,

I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

The author, Marjory Williams , in her wonderful book, about a child’s toy rabbit, used that vehicle to question authenticity in relationships.

"What is real?" asked the velveteen rabbit one day, when he and the toy skin horse were lying side by side in the nursery. "Real isn't how you're made," said the toy skin horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When someone really loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with but REALLY loves you, then you become real." "Does it hurt?" asked the rabbit. "Sometimes." said the skin horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are real you don't mind being hurt." "Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?" "It doesn't happen all at once," said the skin horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or have to be carefully kept. Once you are real, you can't become unreal again."

And Ogden Nash used humor as the vehicle to shed additional insight into the institution of marriage:

How wise I am to have instructed the butler to instruct the

first footman to instruct the second footman to instruct

the doorman to order my carriage;

I am about to volunteer a definition of marriage.

Just as I know that there are two Hagens, Walter and Copen,

I know that marriage is a legal and religious alliance entered

into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut and

a woman who can't sleep with the window open.

Moreover just as I am unsure of the difference between flora

and fauna and flotsam and jetsam

I am quite sure that marriage is the alliance of two people one

of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never

forgetsam,

And he refuses to believe there is a leak in the water pipe or

the gas pipe and she is convinced she is about to asphyxiate

or drown,

And she says Quick get up and get my hairbrushes off the

window sill, it's raining in, and he replies Oh they're all

right, it's only raining straight down.

That is why marriage is so much more interesting than divorce,

Because it's the only known example of the happy meeting of

the immovable object and the irresistible force.

So I hope husbands and wives will continue to debate and

combat over everything debatable and combatable,

Because I believe a little incompatibility is the spice of life,

particularly if he has income and she is pattable.

More seriously, I would advise you, Robert and Shari , that:

Happiness in marriage is not something that just happens. A good marriage must be created. In the art of marriage the little things are big things.

It is remembering to say "I love you".

It is at no time taking the other for granted; the courtship shouldn't end with the honeymoon, it should continue through the years.

It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives; it is standing together facing the world.

It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family.

It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways.

It is not expecting the husband to wear a halo or the wife to have the wings of an angel. It is not looking for perfection in each other. It is cultivating flexibility, patience, understanding and a sense of humor.

It is having the capacity to forgive and forget.

It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow.

Marriage is establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal; the dependence is mutual, and the obligation is reciprocal.

It is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the

right partner.

Will you now, Shari and Robert , join hands as you share your vows of marriage with each to each.

The hand offered by each of you is an extension of self,

just as is your mutual love. Cherish the touch, for you touch

not only your own but another life. Be ever sensitive to its

pulse. Seek always to understand and respect its rhythms.

Do you, Robert, take Shari , to be your wife, to learn and to grow with, to come to, in both happiness and sorrow, to confide in and trust above all others, to respect in everything as an equal partner. But above all, to love with all your being.

I do, I promise to be your lover, companion and friend,

Your partner in life,

Your ally in conflict,

Your greatest fan and your toughest adversary,

Your comrade in adventure,

Your student and your teacher,

Your consolation in disappointment,

Your accomplice in mischief,

Your strength in your need and

Vulnerable to you in my own,

And most of all,

Your associate in the search for enlightenment.

Do you, Shari , take Robert, to be your husband, to learn and to grow with, to come to, in both happiness and sorrow, to confide in and trust above all others, to respect in everything as an equal partner. But above all, to love with all your being.

I do, I promise to be your lover, companion and friend,

Your partner in life;

Your ally in conflict,

Your greatest fan and your toughest adversary,

Your comrade in adventure,

Your student and your teacher,

Your consolation in disappointment,

Your accomplice in mischief,

Your strength in your need and

Vulnerable to you in my own,

And most of all,

Your associate in the search for enlightenment.

The ring has long been the visible symbol of vows taken in

marriage. A circle, with no beginning and no ending, represents

that love which is everlasting, which begins in trust, grows

through companionship, and deepens with understanding.

As you share now these symbols of your marriage say to one another:

WITH THIS RING I THEE WED

Robert and Shari come into their marriage relationship as individuals, and they do not lose their identity, rather, they use their individuality to create and strengthen the relationship of marriage.

Forasmuch as Robert and Shari have consented together in marriage, declaring their love for one another, I declare that they are now husband and wife. May their days be long upon the earth and may they dwell in love and joy and happiness together.

May the love in your hearts give you joy. May the greatness of life bring you peace. And may your days be good, and your lives be long upon the earth.